1 Feb 2018

Is Individual Therapy Right for Me?

by | posted in: individual therapy | 0

individual therapy

 

Many people of all ages, races, and backgrounds seek out individual therapy for different reasons. Sometimes, it’s because they have anxiety, depression, or difficulties with life transitions. While other times, it’s because they are struggling with long-standing psychological issues. Individuals also often seek out therapy for advice and counsel while they pursue their own personal exploration and growth. Individual therapy is right for any person who wishes to take a proactive approach on finding their purpose and passion, while cultivating a greater sense of self-awareness.

How Can Individual Therapy Help Me?

Working with a skilled counselor can help you to discover new insight and strategies that help to support you through all of life’s constant changes and challenges. Therapy can provide a support system and enhance problem solving skills that can help you manage issues like:

  • anxiety
  • depression
  • relationship troubles
  • unresolved childhood issues
  • grief
  • stress
  • body image issues
  • creative blocks.

The beauty of therapy is that it can help to provide an entirely new and fresh perspective on old or longstanding issues.

What to Expect During Individual Therapy?

Typically, your first session will be all about getting to know you and what’s going on in your life. Everything from work to relationships, friendships, activities, passions, goals, and anything else that makes you, you. You can discuss you past and present mental and emotional concerns that you’d like to bring with you into therapy. It may take a few sessions for you and your counselor to develop enough of a rapport for you to feel comfortable to start diving in to what your issues you’d like to work on.

It’s highly encouraged that you primarily do most of the speaking. At first this may seem odd, but over time you will come to find that speaking your thoughts out loud has a cathartic effect. This can help you build your confidence to problem solve your issues after you leave therapy. Your counselor may sometimes assign you “homework”, which is designed to help you become more self-aware and develop healthier thinking patterns in your daily life for a more positive mood.

Put your Best Foot Forward

Individual therapy is confidential and a wonderful tool for anyone. Whether you’re dealing with heavier issues like grief, trauma, or depression or simply at one of life’s fork in the roads, therapy can help you develop the problem-solving skills necessary to be successful in and outside of therapy. Call us today to schedule an appointment so you can start living your best life.

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29 Jan 2018

3 Things To Try Before Giving Up On Your Marriage

by | posted in: couples therapy | 0

 

 

Photo by Marc A. Sporys on Unsplash

 

Throughout the course of a marriage, there are a number of speed bumps that will pop up along the way. Things like children, career changes or advancements, moves, and money troubles can all have negative effects on your marriage. Many couples live under the myth that when one or more of these issues begin to pile up that it’s a sign it’s time to move on from the marriage. However, this is not always the case. In fact, this is rarely the case. The truth is, life happens and it is going to keep happening. The purpose of good conflict resolution in a marriage is to help both you and your partner take on life together. Not as two separate people. Here are 3 things to try before giving up on your marriage.

 

1. Complain Without Blaming

Complaining is a really easy and real nasty habit to get into. What’s even worse than complaining is blaming. You and your partner should be able to talk about specific issues rather than broadly complaining and attacking your partner. For example, say you and your partner agreed to call each other every day at the end but they didn’t call. Rather than saying, “you’re so selfish. You never follow through!” Remind your partner that you both agreed to check in with each other.

 

2. Repair Conflicts with Skill

Putting aside resentments can and will destroy your relationship over time. Most conflicts within a marriage rarely get resolved. Being able to bounce back together from an argument rather than avoiding conflict altogether is key to a happy, healthy marriage. Couples who avoid conflict totally are more likely to build up resentments and end up in divorce.

 

3. Stay Focused

It’s really easy when you’re angry to get off topic when you’re discussing one thing that you’re upset about. This can lead to name calling and attacking your partner. It’s so important to avoid any character attacks or name calling during an argument. Anger is always an underlying symptom of hurt, fear, and frustration. These three emotions are natural, so don’t punish yourself or your partner for feeling these things. Stay focused on what the issue is and how you would like it resolved.

Marriage is work. It’s not always going to be easy and some days are really going to test your patience. However, there are healthy and positive ways you and your partner can resolve natural and normal arguments along the way. Speed bumps in life and relationships are and should be expected. However, not every couple is equipped with the right conflict resolution skills needed for successful relationships. If you and your partner are struggling to communicate in a positive and productive manner with each other, call us today to speak with one of our highly trained counselors.

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11 Jan 2018

Putting a Stop to the Stigma on Couples Counseling

by | posted in: couples therapy | 0

 

Photo by Caleb Ekeroth on Unsplash

 

A wise couple doesn’t wait until a crisis like an infidelity, lack of intimacy, or silence has crept into their marriage or relationship to seek couples counseling. Many couples very rarely do any type of maintenance in their relationship. Instead, they become distracted by work stress, household duties, kids, and other daily life activities and nuisances. Eventually, the relationship begins to erode; often times without either person really noticing until an explosion happens. Problematic patterns begin to entrench the relationship and begin to create a deep divide between two people who were once very much connected and in love. Fortunately, with couples counseling you can repair relationship damage, and in some cases prevent it all together with regular maintenance.

 

Prevention vs Intervention

A lot of couples believe that counseling is only for those with trouble in their relationships. However, it’s extremely beneficial for couples at all stages of their relationship or marriage to do regular maintenance. Why? Because there is a major stigma against couples counseling. But, with counseling, you and your partner may be able to stop the storm before it ever fully rolls in. That is the difference between seeking counseling as prevention versus seeking counseling as an intervention. At the point of intervention, one or both partner may emotionally or mentally be past the point of making up.

 

Misconception #1: Therapy Costs too Much, is too Time Consuming, and Hard to Find

These are very common excuses couples will use to avoid therapy at all costs. The truth is, many therapists and counselors will work with you on the financial aspect of receiving support. Therapy does have a tangible cost but so does divorce. Additionally, there are a variety of ways your therapist or counselor can work with you or your partner to make the marriage work and strengthen your bond. Often times, concerns about money, time, or availability are covers for those who struggle with vulnerability.

 

Misconception #2: Someone will Know Your Private Business

A lot of private information is going to come out in therapy, both personal and together as a couple. Information about your debts, addictions, wrongs, and tribulations will be laid out. However, just like an attorney, a counselor or therapist is sworn to confidentiality. Their entire practice is solely dependent on their ability to maintain confidentiality. Mistakes and disappointments are hard to reveal, however, recognizing trauma and hurts for what they are are a big part of therapeutic work.

 

There’s no shame in seeking marriage counseling or couples therapy. In fact, there is strength in admitting you, your partner, and your relationship need help. Call us today to find out how one of our trained professionals can help you and your partner forge a stronger union.

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4 Jan 2018

5 Resolutions For Families This New Year

by | posted in: Family Counseling, family therapy | 0

 

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

 

With the start of a brand new year, everyone is ramped up and ready to tackle those New Year’s resolutions. While some resolutions may be personal to you as an individual, there are some that are easier when taken on as a family. Whether it’s to lose weight, discover your unique creative abilities, or simply just go to bed earlier. There are just some things that work better when your family is together. Here are 5 resolutions you and your family can commit to this year.

 

1. Go to Bed at the Same Time

Who doesn’t need more sleep? It’s important for children and adults to have adequate sleep in order to perform daily tasks. Usually, bedtimes are considered a guideline for adults and a rule for children. However, mandatory lights-out time for everyone could be beneficial. Try it for a week and see how you like getting those extra z’s.

 

2. Eat Meals Together

Whether you have children or are married with none, creating a habit of eating together can help you and your family connect. Leave the television off and the phones on their chargers. This is your time to enjoy each other’s company. And there’s no better company than family.

 

3. Swap Out Soda

Soda is bad for everyone, especially children. Not only is it bad for your health, it can put a serious dent in your grocery bill if you’re buying it every week. Swapping out soda for water can help you save dollars and calories. If you’re still craving that carbonated goodness, try plain soda water instead. It has zero sugar and zero calories. It’s all the fun of bubbles without the guilt of sugar.

 

4. Create Reading Time

Do you ever find yourself thinking, “ugh, I wish I had more time to read.”? Well, time is what you make of it. And everyone benefits from the practice of reading. Making it a family routine will help to keep you, your partner, and your children accountable for reading. You can even visit the library together or host a family book club.

 

5. Exercise Together

Anyone can enjoy the benefits of exercise. Additionally, children also benefit from creating the routine of daily or weekly exercise. Exercising helps to lower stress, build strength, and improves your immune system. Plus, it’s just fun. Shooting hoops, playing catch, or jumping rope are all activities that don’t have an age limit. You can also join a sports team for adults and for children.

 

You don’t have to look at new year’s resolutions as a punishment for who you were last year. Resolutions are simple ways you can acknowledge where in life you need improvement. These five resolutions are all fun, family-friendly ways you can strive to achieve to be your best selves in 2018. If you’re struggling with other familial issues, our professional counselors are here to help. You can go online and schedule an appointment today. This is the year you will be great!

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29 Dec 2017

5 Simple Rituals to Reconnect Daily

by | posted in: Communication Skills, couples therapy, Greenpoint Marriage Family Counseling, marriage, Marriage Counselor | 0

 

reconnect

 

Relationships thrive on consistency and rituals, so just like plants they must be watered daily to survive. A relationship that is rich in rituals and traditions is able to create a shared meaning together. This shared meaning is what helps you and your parnter be able to weather the difficult times. So we found five simple rituals that you and your partner can practice daily for a stronger relationship.

 

Eat Meals Together without Screens

We’ve grown so accustomed to eating meals centered around our favorite shows. Now with cell phones there’s even another seemingly unpenetrable layer between us and dinner conversation. It’s not always possible to eat meals without screen time and sometimes sharing a show is a ritual in itself.  However, we ask and suggest that you and your partner try to eat at least one meal together without any screens.

 

Have a Stress-Reducing Conversation

Active listening is a crucial factor to the success of any relationship. Couple who share how they feel and show each other compassion through active listening will reap the rewards of more connection in their marriage. A simple, “how was your day?” can be the beginning of a meaningful conversation. Keep in mind though, that this is not the time to discuss pitfalls and grievances about your relationship.

 

Take a Vacation

An annual vacation that you both agree upon keeps you looking forward to something. Even though we know that a beach getaway isn’t always in the budget, there are other ways to “get away” so to speak. For example, a long weekend in your city, camping, or even a staycation in the house where you keep your phones off and just enjoy each other’s company for a weekend.

 

Exercise Together

Couples who sweat together, stay together. Sharing an experience like bike riding, hiking, swimming or any form of exercise can bring you and your partner closer together. Not only that, but it’s a fun way to get out of the house and have something to look forward to beyond your same old routine.

 

Share a Six-Second Kiss

Intimacy of all forms fluctuate throughout the duration of a relationship including physical intimacy. Sharing a six-second kiss will increase your emotional and physical intimacy. Physical contact releases oxytocin which helps to boost your mood and bond you and your partner.

 

The power of intentional time together can prove to repair a weak relationship and further strengthen an already solid relationship. Other rituals include saying good morning and goodnight, reuniting at the end of the day, and checking in with each other during the day. Sticking to these rituals will help you reconnect and reignite the passion that once brought you two together. If you and your partner are having issues with connecting contact us to schedule an appointment with one of our counselors today.

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23 Dec 2017

7 Tips for Making a Step Family Work

by | posted in: Communication Skills, Conflict Resolution Skill, Couples Therapy Williamsburg, Family Counseling, family therapy, Williamsburg Marriage Family Counseling | 0

 

Photo by Kevin Delvecchio on Unsplash

 

There’s no real guidebook to raising a family. Especially when it comes to blended families. The stakes are already high the first time around. But when the second time comes around there are old wounds and scars left behind from divorce. However, there are key steps you and your partner can take to ensure a healthy and happy marriage and family.

 

1. Set Realistic Expectations

It’s easy to become caught up in the excitement of love and family. Of course, just like the first marriage, there are going to be issues; especially when children are involved. Navigating ex-spouses, finances, and raising children can bring a whole slew of new issues. Stay realistic and understand that these issues are perfectly normal and that doesn’t mean anything is wrong.

 

2. Communication is Essential

Conflict is inevitable, which is why learning how to effectively communicate is so important. Poor communication can chip away at the foundation of a healthy and happy relationship. Try to practice active listening when your partner or step-children bring up a new problem. Active listening can help to promote effective communication.

 

3. Parent Together, Not Separately

When you merge two families, you become one. It does not become a case of “these are my children and those are your children.” Loyalty to your own child is valid and can be very strong. However, it’s so important to establish roles for parenting and discipline early on. Not only is it important to establish roles, but to maintain those roles throughout the relationship as well. This can be a very difficult time for children, so maintaining a sense of structure in the home is essential to a smooth transition.

 

4. Practice Patience and Understanding

Blending families isn’t a sprint, it’s a marathon. Both you and your partner need to commit to the long journey that is ahead of you and your new family. No one is perfect and your partner and yourself are going to slip up from time to time. But, it’s essential for you to find joy and happiness, even when times are testing your patience.

 

5. Don’t Give Up

Things are not always going to go as planned. There can and will be difficult periods of transition for you, your partner, and the children. During these difficult times, remember why you came together in the first place. Couples who commit to overcoming struggles together build a strong foundation to get through even tougher issues in the future.

 

No one said marriage would be easy and a new marriage with a blended family comes with its own set of struggles and strengths. As long as you and your partner are committed to the success of your relationship and family, in the end, all will be well. However, if you are struggling with the transition period our professional counselors can offer help. Call us today to schedule an appointment so that we can help you build the strong foundation your new family deserves.

 

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13 Dec 2017

3 Ways To Enrich Your Marriage

by | posted in: Communication Skills, Marriage Counselor | 0

 

enrich your marriage

 

It might come as a surprise to many people that just because you fall in love and marry someone doesn’t mean that love is going to last forever. Partners are often afraid to admit that they feel as if something is missing from their marriage. They find themselves asking, “why can’t it go back to the way it was in the beginning?” A successful marriage isn’t a fairy tale like the books and movies would have you believe. A successful marriage is about building a meaningful relationship that is full of rich, beautiful connections.

 

1. Sharing is Caring

Sharing a common dream, vision, or goal for the life that you two want to live together can give both of you a healthy perspective. When couples have that shared dream, the ups and downs of life don’t seem so bad. By creating a larger context of the meaning of life within your relationship, you two can avoid dwelling on the bad things and focus on the bigger picture.

 

2. Talk it Out

Talking about your shared vision can help to foster attunement. By taking the time to process your dreams together, ultimately, it will bring you closer. An important goal within a marriage is to build and establish an atmosphere where each partner can feel comfortable talking about their emotions and convictions openly. Couples openly about what makes them happy and what their dreams might be are likely to be happier and less likely to be struggling.

 

3. Creating Rituals

Daily or weekly rituals where you two can connect one on one will enable you to build shared meaning with each other. Take the time to be together doing enjoyable activities that bring you both pleasure. This can be anything from cooking weekly dinners to exploring new towns and even catching up on your shared favorited television shows. It’s so important for couples to make that commitment to spending time with each other. This also includes saying goodbye in the morning and hello in the evening.

 

Having a happy and successful marriage does take work. It’s not always going to be rainbows and sunshine all the time. Even though there are going to be hard days but that means there are also going to be easy days. By using this tips to enrich your marriage, you can help to foster a stronger bond with your marriage. Whether you choose actions that are big or small, know that each form of effort you put in will help to build a stronger and happier and more fulfilling connection.

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11 Dec 2017

Marriage Doesn’t Make Everything Better

by | posted in: couples therapy, Couples Therapy Williamsburg, finding love, Greenpoint Marriage Family Counseling, marriage, Marriage Counselor, relationship therapy | 0

 

marriage is work

 

Some people, whether they’re conscious of it or not, believe that once they are married all of the problems in their life will disappear. This idea is often reinforced through pop culture, like in television shows, music, books, and movies. However, getting married doesn’t solve all of your problems. In fact, marriage can sometimes amplify certain problems or highlight underlying issues and be making things worse. Any problem you and your partner have together or separately prior to marriage you will still have even after you say your “I Do’s”. Fortunately, there are some things you can do to address the problems in your relationship before you commit till death do you part.

 

1. Be Real With Eachother

Couples at all stages of a relationship can struggle with being authentic with one another. However, this is most common early on in a relationship. Both partners want to seem desirable, pleasant, and favorable in the beginning stages. But, this kind of facade can create inauthenticity within the relationship and ruin honesty. Openness in all forms keeps both partners authentic and true to themselves and their partner. It’s true, just be yourself.

 

2. Pay Attention

In the beginning of love, red flags looks just like regular old flags when you have rose colored glasses on. Red flags can be a number of things. Additionally, red flags are often subjective to each individual, so they can look different. A red flag is a momentary lapse in judgement and once they are established, can set a trend for unsavory behavior. Keep your eyes open and be objective and honest with yourself when a red flag pops up.

 

3. Listen to Others

For some reason, our friends and family can usually see what we can’t when we first start a relationship. When they point out potential flaws or red flags, we are often shocked and annoyed that they would say something. However, if someone in your life who has earned your trust and respect comments something, give them consideration. This person is likely pointing out these things because they love and care for you. Outside parties often have a more objective view of your relationships than you do.

 

4. Make a Choice

Even with a large amount of emotional and past relationship baggage, many people still get married without having dealt with their own baggage. Too many people get married expecting for everything bad before and during the relationship to disappear. If anything, a bad relationship will only amplify the bad things in your life. It’s better to make the decision to not get married early on than to stick it out and see what happens. This is not an easy choice and you may not recognize negative patterns or issues right away.

 

5. Find Support

Throughout the decision making process of getting married or even considering divorce, it’s important to find help. Support can come in the form of friends and family. However, third party help, like from a professional counselor can do wonders for your relationship and personal life. Doing this alone isn’t always easy and it can get overwhelming at times. You don’t have to go through this alone. You can find the support you deserve and need.

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4 Dec 2017

3 Questions to Ask When Marriage Counseling Isn’t Working

by | posted in: Couples Therapy Greenpoint, marriage, Marriage Counselor | 0

Photo by Ryan Franco on Unsplash

 

All marriages have their ups and downs. To enter into a marriage expecting it to be rainbows and butterflies for the entirety would be naive, to say the least. With that being said, there’s no shame in admitting to yourself, your partner, or your friends and family that you are going through a rough patch and need professional counseling. However, even if you and your partner are going to counseling, it doesn’t always seem like it’s working. Before throwing in the towel and giving up, here are three questions you should ask yourself and your partner.

 

1. Are You Both Ready?

Not everyone who goes to counseling is actually ready for counseling. Both you and your partner need to be ready and willing to begin counseling in order for it to be successful. In fact, it’s important that you and your partner are even enthusiastic about starting counseling. When both partners are invested in the success of counseling early on, it’s easier to overcome any resistance or challenges that may pop up along the way.

 

2. Is Your Counselor the Right Fit?

Finding the right counselor for yourself and your partner isn’t always a one and done situation. Counselors are not a “one size fits all” problem solver. Some counselors have certain specialties that others don’t. The best way to determine if a counselor is right for you and your partner is to do your research. Read over their website, call them and interview them over the phone, or read reviews online.

 

3. Are the Real Issues Being Addressed?

Sometimes in relationships, we think that only the small things are what are causing the problems. Small problems are often indicators of a much larger issue at hand. Some couples will pretend like everything is fine out of fear of being judged by their friends, families, and shockingly, even their counselor. The purpose of counseling is to break down those walls built up by fear so you, your partner, and your counselor can start rebuilding and resolving what needs to be done.

 

Even though marriage counseling offers no guarantees, it’s still worth a shot. Therefore, if you feel as if your relationship still has a fighting chance it’s time to take the leap and seek counseling. However, it’s important to remember that counseling takes effort on both sides. So, find out how our counseling services can help rebuild you and your partner rebuild and reconnect.

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24 Nov 2017

4 Tips on Dealing with Difficult People During the Holidays

by | posted in: Communication Skills, Conflict Resolution Skill, Counseling, family therapy | 0

 

Photo by Larm Rmah on Unsplash

It’s the most wonderful time of the year and for some people the worst. Going home for the holidays are meant to be a joyous, relaxing, and pleasant time. However, the holidays can become a complicated time for those who may be dealing with difficult family members. These 4 tips will help you keep the peace and maintain your sanity during the holiday season.

 

1. Prioritize Self-Care

The holiday season is a physically, mentally, and emotionally demanding time. This is why it’s so important to prioritize self-care. First, self-care helps you maintain your sanity. This can include things like alone time, getting adequate and quality rest, making sure you are eating, and even treating yourself to things you’d normally deny yourself other times of the year. Additionally, self-care helps to prevent your loss of adult identity during the holidays. Being back with family at home can unintentionally cause you to feel like you’re slipping back into younger stages. Self-care helps to keep you in the present.

 

2. Limit Substance Use

The idea that having a few glasses of wine or a couple of beers will make being around a difficult family member much more tolerable. However, alcohol often makes things more complicated by lowering our inhibitions.Using substances to tolerate a family dinner is merely just a way of avoiding rather than coping. By avoiding heavy use of substances you can remain in control of your mind, body, and words.

 

3. Keep Conversations Neutral

The holidays are a sensitive time in many ways; ways in which you might not even be totally aware of. Simple questions like “when are you getting married?” “where are you going to college?” or “have you found a job yet?” can all be very triggering questions despite having innocent intentions. Try asking more open-ended questions. These are questions like, “what have you been keeping busy with?” “what are you up to these days?” and “what’s new with you?”. All of these questions show just the right amount of interest without seeming too nosy.

 

4. Avoid Strife

Shockingly enough, some people actually enjoy passionate arguments. Maybe that is you and maybe that isn’t. Either way, arguments are a really fast way to ruin a perfectly good meal for others. Instead of engaging in an argument, even just for the fun of it, end it before it gets too out of control. Saying this like, “let’s agree to disagree” or “let’s stop arguing so everyone else has something to be thankful for” can end an argument without ending the relationship.

 

Now that the holiday season is here, it can be difficult to manage all the thoughts and emotions that seem to bubble up around this time of year. If you are having difficulty mentally and emotionally preparing for the holidays with or without family, learn more about how counseling can help.

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