Some people, whether they’re conscious of it or not, believe that once they are married all of the problems in their life will disappear. This idea is often reinforced through pop culture, like in television shows, music, books, and movies. However, getting married doesn’t solve all of your problems. In fact, marriage can sometimes amplify certain problems or highlight underlying issues and be making things worse. Any problem you and your partner have together or separately prior to marriage you will still have even after you say your “I Do’s”. Fortunately, there are some things you can do to address the problems in your relationship before you commit till death do you part.
1. Be Real With Eachother
Couples at all stages of a relationship can struggle with being authentic with one another. However, this is most common early on in a relationship. Both partners want to seem desirable, pleasant, and favorable in the beginning stages. But, this kind of facade can create inauthenticity within the relationship and ruin honesty. Openness in all forms keeps both partners authentic and true to themselves and their partner. It’s true, just be yourself.
2. Pay Attention
In the beginning of love, red flags looks just like regular old flags when you have rose colored glasses on. Red flags can be a number of things. Additionally, red flags are often subjective to each individual, so they can look different. A red flag is a momentary lapse in judgement and once they are established, can set a trend for unsavory behavior. Keep your eyes open and be objective and honest with yourself when a red flag pops up.
3. Listen to Others
For some reason, our friends and family can usually see what we can’t when we first start a relationship. When they point out potential flaws or red flags, we are often shocked and annoyed that they would say something. However, if someone in your life who has earned your trust and respect comments something, give them consideration. This person is likely pointing out these things because they love and care for you. Outside parties often have a more objective view of your relationships than you do.
4. Make a Choice
Even with a large amount of emotional and past relationship baggage, many people still get married without having dealt with their own baggage. Too many people get married expecting for everything bad before and during the relationship to disappear. If anything, a bad relationship will only amplify the bad things in your life. It’s better to make the decision to not get married early on than to stick it out and see what happens. This is not an easy choice and you may not recognize negative patterns or issues right away.
5. Find Support
Throughout the decision making process of getting married or even considering divorce, it’s important to find help. Support can come in the form of friends and family. However, third party help, like from a professional counselor can do wonders for your relationship and personal life. Doing this alone isn’t always easy and it can get overwhelming at times. You don’t have to go through this alone. You can find the support you deserve and need.