Sometimes the main cause of arguments and fights is not knowing the values of your partner, how they see life, and what their deal breakers are.Even after you get married, the short list of question we put together will help you get better at navigating through conflicts and solving issues as a couple.
If you want to communicate better and avoid conflict, ask your partner the following questions.
What are are your deal breakers?
You have deal breakers too, so it’s important to find out what’s acceptable for your partner and what isn’t. For some people, children aren’t a priority but career is. Is this a deal breaker for you?
Down the road, you may become frustrated with your spouse working overtime while failing to understand why spending time together isn’t near the top of their list of priorities. A simple question about their deal breakers can reveal a lot about the things you should avoid doing, and it can also help you determine whether you share the same deal breakers or not.
What values do you have?
Knowing from day one how important religion, family, and career are to your partner can save you from years of arguments and misunderstandings.
For example, you may engage in fights in the future about what kind of education your children will receive, or what schools they’ll attend. All of this can be avoided if you know what values they have from day 1.
People with different values can stay together and make things work, but when they don’t see eye to eye on the most important values, it’s hard for them to have empathy for each other because each of them thinks they’re right and their partner is wrong.
What goals do you have for the future?
This question will help you find out what kind of life your partner envisions for both of you. Does your partner want to stay at home and take care of the children, or is your partner a workaholic with dreams of becoming an executive?
You have to know from the beginning whether your hopes and dreams contradict each other’s, and if they do, you need to find out if it’s manageable.
Keep in mind that just because your partner doesn’t have the “right” answers to all of your questions doesn’t mean your relationship is lost.
If you want to get more insight into what you can do better to understand your partner and yourself, contact us with your questions here.