This is part 3 of a six-part series on tips for online dating. Go here for the rest of the series.
Finding a match online that has the potential to result in a serious relationship can be a daunting task for many people — before you even consider the stigma sometimes still associated with online dating. Many people eschew this style of meeting people after years of navigating page after swipe after bad date after face palm. These discouraged folks are usually truly looking for a serious relationship. And, believe it or not, many of them are male.
One of the most common themes I observe in males who are looking for a serious relationship through online dating is a lack of emotional intelligence (EI). Online, just as in-vivo, a lack of EI becomes apparent through one’s insecurities and ultimately dishonesty.
In this six-part series I share — and explain!— reasonable, rational tips to help men (seeking women) succeed at online dating. Take note that many of these tips can be used for anyone—straight, LGBT, male or female. The advice here relies heavily on honesty, boundary setting, effective communication skills, and realistic expectations. Blaming “everyone else” for not being good enough in the dating world (and in other applications of life), doesn’t help change results—instead, turn inward and do a self-check up on communication style.
The first message: A single sentence or a dissertation?
“How long should my first message be?,” is a question I hear often.
If you ever find yourself asking yourself this question, begin by drastically reducing the use of the word “should” from your everyday life. “Should” gets people into trouble. Who’s to say a 433.5-word message will give you the best chance for receiving a reply?
There are so many factors to consider when asking yourself that question—and the answer is simply found in the overall message of this series. Stick to being honest, not oversharing, being creative, and keeping your message positive. By focusing on these values, you are not only practicing effective communication, you are also shifting the spotlight from quantity to quality.
Check back this week as we continue to dive deep into tips for online dating.
- Part 1: Building a Better Profile
- Part 2: Setting Boundaries
- Part 3: Making Contact
- Part 4: Picking the Perfect Location
- Part 5: Presentation
- Part 6: Follow Up
Marc Fernandez provides therapy to individual, couples, and families at North Brooklyn MFT in New York City. Additionally, Marc is co-founder of a health and wellness blog called www.theHumanBluPrint.com, aimed to help people self-educate on how to be the best version of themselves. Give North Brooklyn MFT a call at (718) 785-9718 if you think learning how to “turn inward” may be something you’re interested in. Read more about Marc.